I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
high people should be assigned attendants
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
