i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
