i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
