in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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