Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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