My first STD was from a foam party
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
