We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
