I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
