I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need water and some morals
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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