one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
