We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
