i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
