hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
