I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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