Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
