She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
