I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
