Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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