hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
