i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
