Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
