yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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