you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
