I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
