If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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