i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
