it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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