I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
