Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
