I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
