90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
