Whod you bang
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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