Porn is love you can see.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm like, not good at living.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
