I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
