Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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