I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
