why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
