You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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