I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
