The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
