Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
