New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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