32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
