i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
