I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
40s are totally the cure
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
