so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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