wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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