I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
