So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
