so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
