I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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