I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
