you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
